J. Alexander (johnmill79) wrote,
J. Alexander

Writer's Block: Love Is In The Air

Who was your first crush? What were they like?

I've always wondered why the term was "crush" anyway. Might any of you know where that comes from? It actually sounds like it involves cruelty of some kind, when in reality it refers to being attracted to someone.

I have a few amusing crush stories. Of course, most of them occurred when I was a child, young and innocent, and I seemed to desire any person with that soft, high voice. 50-year-old teachers? Absolutely! I remember I used to have dreams of what it would be like to go home with them and take the place of their husbands. Well hey, I was only 5! So it's not like that was going to happen anytime soon.

My first crush occurred way back in Kindergarten and lasted nearly five years until, well, she turned crazy. Her name was Barbara, and she was one of the only people who seemed to enjoy interacting with me. Everyone used to call her "fat girl" and pretty much stay away from her, in kids usual cruel way. I think she liked me because I accepted her unconditionally.

I guess I should have seen this coming. It was my fourth-grade year, and she and I were still in the same class. She liked to sit outside and play with her dolls, telling me that I was "the daddy" and I needed to help her keep the kids in line. She had three of them, all with strange, difficult to pronounce names.

I used to leave recess early to go back in the classroom and pack my things, because I rode the special bus that left school 15 minutes before the rest. She would walk with me, and on this particular day, she decided to get bold. As soon as we entered, she grabbed my hand, yanked me into the little locker thingy we used to store our stuff, and somehoe managed to press a chair to the door so that I couldn't escape. I'm fortunate that what happened next didn't result in my suspension, I suppose because it was clear that the incident had not been initiated by me. She pulled down her clothing and forced my finger into her private parts. Needless to say, that was the last time I interacted with her. I think she really did want me to be the daddy.

Of course, I've had subsequent crushes. There was the time, during the next school year, when I attempted to talk to the finest, most popular girl in our class. "I'll give you 10 cents to go away" she said. I mean 10 cents? I think I should have at least tried for more. Obviously, she didn't have the personality to match her looks.

Then there was a cutie named Amy my eith-grade year. I really did think I had a chance to make something happen with that. I still remember the note I wrote her on Valentines, in my simple eighth-grade script:

"Dear Amy,
I hope you have a happy Valentine's Day. Know that I like you a lot and am always thinking of you. Will you be my Valentine?"

My heart was banging in my chest as I removed the sheet of paper from that old, clanky electric typewriter and folded it to look something like a card. She sat right across from me in Math class, and as the closing bell sounded, I flicked the note towards her and quickly made for the door. "Aw John, you're so sweet!" I heard her say from somewhere behind my retreating form. Of course, this didn't actually result in anything happening between us, but it did leave me feeling giddy for the rest of that day.

I don't know if I still have crushes. Well, I guess there are some people who attract me with their words, what they reproduce on the page. But it is all too rare that I get to meet exciting, thought-provoking women in person, a situation I hope to remedy very soon.

And a related poll, one I've wanted to do for some time:
Poll #1048535 Relationships

How old were you when you started what counts as your first relationship?

12 or younger.
25 or older.
I haven't really had one.

How long was your longest relationship?

6 months or less.
7-12 months.
13-18 months.
19-24 months.
25-30 months
31-36 months.
More than 36 months.

What is your current status?

Dating, but nothing serious
In a commited relationship
Tags: poll, writer's block, writing
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