The good first: I do know I passed one of my courses with a solid P, which is equivalent to a B+ or so in grad school terms. I actually got an A on that final project, a rarity it seems so far.
And now for the rest. The woman who is sponsoring one of the scholarships e-mailed me her cell and told me to call her as she wanted to hang out with me and see how my semester had gone. This led to the teeth-gnashing task of logging onto Blackboard to see what my grades were in the courses that had been posted. I knew that only one other would be completed; the one in which I had to create a treatment manual for a diagnosed disorder and in which I discovered that I hadn't completed a needed assignment and had to put that one out in three hours on Thursday.
So anyway, I'd done fine on the case study: 16/20. But the manual, which counted for 50% of our grade, kind of went by the boards for me. I only managed 25/50, and had 70/100 for the entire course. As far as I could tell, I would have been required to obtain a 75/100 to even get a low passing grade.
Feeling totally wiped out by this result, I climbed back into bed for an hour or so and turned my head into the pillow as I mulled over my options. I've so often experienced failure when I've tried to make changes in my life, and especially post undergraduate study. See this entry for furter details on that. God knows I didn't want to go through that again, and yet I was fairly certain that it would not be avoidable.
Sulking done, I hopped back out of bed and went to call that woman, I refer to her now as my mentor. We spoke some, and she told me to just touch base with the professor and determine exactly what had happened, as the conclusions to which I had jumped may have in fact been incorrect. She also offered to let me come over to her place for dinner, so I took it up. I needed to have some real human contact.
When we arrived, her husband was there also. They had a nice fireplace, and so I sat on the couch next to it as I usually do at my Aunt's old house. She also helped me fill out some forms that will hopefully get my financial issues in order, as they have been a very large part of the distress that has probably led to my subpar work. For dinner, they had a delicious soup of beef, rice, mixed veggies and green beans. I also ate some ritz crackers and warm pumpkin pie served with whipped cream. Finally, I drank a nice, cool glass of sweet tea. She wanted me to stay longer but was afraid of waiting till the roads became icy, so she went ahead and took me back. I told her I appreciated her just being there. If anything, this makes me glad to have applied for that particular scholarship.
When I re-entered the apartment, I found a response from the professor waiting in my in-box. She said that she had actually given me a low pass anyway, so that I wouldn't be booted from the program. Also, the manual itself was fine, however it only composed one half of the project. The other half was that we were to create a powerpoint. I don't know how I missed this in the syllabus, but she snapped at me for not adequately paying attention. I reckon that was my fault indeed. So that means one small detail probably cost me a high grade in that course. Insanity. And I'm still not out of the woods yet; I have another final project that I may have done wrong but whose grades have yet to show up. Just please let me get through to next semester. Things are lining up so that it should go a lot better for me than this one has. I just don't know if I can make it, though.
Some good things have happened also. I participated in another board meeting with the Norrie Disease Association, and this time I actually managed to say a little more than I did the first. I'm just learning how to properly interject with my points, which I think will be beneficial when I get to making career decisions for myself. I also got the A on the project I did about my having attended the conference in Boston.
I guess the task now is to just try and keep my head up and see if there's any way I can ride through all this. I shall keep you all posted.